The Fastest Thing Alive: The Sonic The Hedgehog Story

Some call him the "Blue Blur" others the "Iblis Trigger" and some call him everything under the sun, but we/they call him Sonic ('cause he is faster than sound, he keeps on jumping around). How Sonic came to have his supersonic speed is a bit of a puzzle, whether he was born with this ability or acquired it somehow through sheer determination, practice or magical/supernatural means is unknown.  You've gotta feel sorry for his parents though whatever the case, imagine having to keep an eye on a Sonic going through the terrible twos? Oi vey.

A very young Sonic found himself on an adventure back in 1991 after he found his woodland chums had somehow been shanghaied by a Doctor Ivo Robotnik and turned into grotesque mechanical parodies of insects and crabs and the like. If there's one thing that'll annoy anyone it's your mate being turned into a mechanical monkey then not even given a pair of cymbals. It's herecy I tells ya! Anyway after the young hog firmly put a red sneekered boot into Dr. E's plans he found that not only had he miraculously succeeded in thrawting his scheme and been lionised by the global populous but he actually enjoyed helping everone out of their sticky roboticising 'Oh my God! It's going to kill us!" hell.  That Robotnik tried again a year later got on his nerve no end and so once more, after teaming up with his young friend Tails, did Sonic tell Robotnik to make like an egg and scramble.  Thus the cycle continued on and on, and presumably Ariston.

Oh Sonic; well, duh - we kinda had to have him really didn't we? After all this is a Sonic comic, that's not to say the supersonic blue blur is the star character even though he defiantly wants to be. When not trying to relax or thwart the devious Dr.Eggman he's often found running for his life from the dreaded Amy 'GET BACK HERE SONIC!' Rose - an impressionable young pink hedgie that he rescued back in the day from the cluctches of one Metal Sonic. That's not to say he doesn't like her really, it's just that he'd rather she not try and kill him when emotional - and when Sonic's concerned she's nothing but emotional.
 
Sonic, despite rivals too numerous to mention, is still the fastest thing in the Universe. Besides light. But he refuses to believe light exists, which should give you an idea of the problem the guy's gotten. Over the years, all the victories have gone to his head and he takes his hero duties with a relative pinch of salt more keen on having a good time than doing a job effectively. This ever growing arrogance has had a bit of a detrimental effect on his friendships, many was the time his friends sought him out when he ran off. Now on the other hand they simply don't bother following him, glad of the time away from him. His relationship with Shadow is questionable, marred by jealousy over the fact despite the name of the comic being SONIC Wrecks, Sonic himself is not the star.  That of course and the rumored cheating in a festive game of Twister. Actually he doesn't get along with Angelus that well either for various reasons. So that's the guy with the gun and the guy with the sword.... Sonic's not the smartest cookie in the jar, if you know what I mean.

In other information Sonic is a devoted snowboarder and his favourite album is 'London Calling' by The Clash. His blood type is squishy and star sign is Madonna doing the mashed potato.  He can of course turn himself into Super Sonic when he has all seven Chaos Emeralds however doing this results him in losing the Emeralds again and he has to spend ages trying to find the scattered jewels.  Clumsy isn't he, I mean, hasn't he ever heard of elastic?   They'd come straight back then. Which is kind of a problem for him right now as he blew using the Emeralds to fight Knuckles because he was being a whiney little bitch as usual (that's Sonic not Knux) and then Metal Sonic appeared and promptly handed his spiney ass to him in a matter of seconds.  So now Sonic's hiding in a basement, waiting for the chance to reclaim the Chaos Emeralds and free the world from Metal's tyranny.  That's the world he let get taken over because he's an egotistical git.

Muppet.